Regular readers know that, while I ride a bicycle, I generally disdain cyclists - by whom I mean the matchy-matchy Spandex(TM)-clad riders who behave like they own every inch of the rideable world. The crappy behavior of cyclists and the general population's hatred of them has been written about over and over and over again, so there's no point in my beating that dead horse. Instead, here's a little light commentary on a few of the quirky cycling characters I know.
First, let me talk about Dan (not his real name). When I first started hanging around with the local cycling crowd Dan was really friendly and welcoming. He's a great guy and super friendly, so it pains me to say anything less than positive about him. But he's a little weird. For one thing, his friendliness extends a little bit too much to total strangers. As he rides down the trail he'll shout out compliments to people he passes, "Oh! I love the way your jersey matches your bike!" or just give a big hello. For whatever reason, when he shouts Hello he really accentuates the syllables so it comes out as "Heh-lauuuw!", with the second syllable pronounced to rhyme more with "cow" than "crow". I think if I was alone on the trail and some cyclist came up from behind me and out of nowhere shouted "Heh-lauuuw! Your shirt is a really pretty color!" I would be creeped out. But really, he's just being friendly.
Even though I'm no longer commuting anywhere, I sometimes get up early and ride to the early morning bike commuter "coffee clubs" held around Arlington just for a little socializing. Dan attends those coffees too, and I'll sometimes run into him on the trail on the way there. I hate running into Dan on the trail. As already mentioned, he's a very friendly, gregarious guy and when he bumps into you on the trail he'll want to ride next to you and talk. Here's the problem - he's a fast rider and wants to keep up his fast pace on the ride to coffee. I'm a slow rider, particularly at 6:30 AM and so in this scenario Dan is faced with two contrary impulses: to ride with me and chat while also to continue riding faster than I can keep up with. The net result is that by having a conversation with me while incrementally riding faster and faster, he's implicitly pushing me to ride faster than I want to - or even can. He also pays no attention to traffic signals (noe that "Cyclists who go through red lights" is one of the 15 types of hated cyclists in one of the linked articles above) and he gets impatient when I stop at intersections. Over time I've gotten pretty comfortable with saying, "Dan, you just ride ahead and I'll see you there." Sometimes I have to says it two or three times.
Am I done complaining about Dan yet? Not quite. Some mornings I'll be riding on my way to coffee club and suddenly I'll sense a presence behind me. When you ride with other people it's cool to ride close behind another rider, "drafting" them to take advantage of their slipstream. In fact, advanced riders will take turns drafting each other to give whoever is non-lead a break. But sneaking up and drafting behind someone you don't know or who is unaware of your presence is a jerk maneuver ("Stalkers" who do this are another of the 15 listed types of hated cyclists). I don't like that he does this. Sometimes, if I either haven't noticed him or am pretending not to have sensed his presence, he'll shout out, "Is that Jesse I see in front of me?", or something of the sort. Creepy gregariousness is not what I'm in the mood for at 6:30 in the morning. Ever. BTW, if some rider has the audacity to pass Dan on the trail, Dan will chase them down and stalker draft them. I do not approve.
But enough about Dan. Let me move on and complain about George (again, not his real name). George is a guy I actually choose to ride with. He's a good guy too, but first of all, he's another one who assumes he has the right of way all the time (see reference to "Cyclists who go through red lights"above). But bigger than that, he's a loudmouth. For example,. it's generally considered polite to warn people when you're about to pass them on the trail, usually by ringing a bike bell or calling out, "On your left!" George goes well beyond that with something like, "Hey. Three cyclists passing on your left. Thanks for moving over and giving us room." It's not easy to tell whether George's "thanks" are sincere and when they're sarcastic. The way he shouts them they sound sarcastic and I've seen people do something of a double take when he yells a comment at them.
The other day George and I were riding towards Hains Point. We were riding side by side on a little-trafficked section of road, and truth be told he was riding over the center line and so was a little bit into the oncoming lane. Another cyclist - in full Spandex regalia - was coming in the other direction. The other guy had the whole traffic lane to maneuver in so George wasn't really any threat to him, but George was in fact encroaching onto his side of the road. The other cyclist motioned for George to get back over to our side of the yellow line. George shouted, "Thanks for the reminder!", which again may or may not have been sincere. The Spandex guy took it as sarcasm and responded with, "F*ck you!" I think this was the case of two cyclists both behaving a little badly. In any case, George seems to have no idea his tone and demeanor are provoking these reactions, and I don't know exactly how to coach him politely.
And that's just two of the cycling characters I know. I think the world would be a better place if we all were a little more sensitive to each other's needs and feelings. Clearly, cyclists, even the nice ones I hang out with, have a ways to go in this direction.
